CARES is Vassar’s organization to provide peer-to-peer support for students affected by any sort of personal violation issue, no matter where it happened, when it happened, or who it happened to. The information presented below is courtesy of CARES.
Possible Signs of Relationship Abuse
Has your partner ever . . .
- Pushed, shoved, or slapped you?
- Held you to keep you from leaving?
- Thrown objects at you?
- Abandoned you in a dangerous place?
- Refused to help you if you were sick or injured
- Threatened you or hurt you with a weapon?
- Treated you as a sex object?
- Insisted you dress in a more sexual way than you wanted?
- Been jealously angry?
- Forced unwanted sex acts?
- Made you feel humiliated or ashamed for having sexual relations?
- Ridiculed or insulted your most valued beliefs, your religion, race, heritage, or class?
- Withheld affection as a form of punishment?
- Insulted or drove away your friends and family?
- Humiliated you in private or public?
Why Do Victims Stay?
- Economic dependence
- Fear of greater physical danger to themselves and their children if they attempt to leave
- Fear of emotional damage to children
- Fear of losing custody of children
- Lack of alternative housing
- Social isolation resulting in lack of support from family or friends and lack of information regarding alternatives
- Fear of involvement in court processes
- Cultural and religious constraints
- Fear of retaliation
- Fear of loneliness
- Insecurity over potential independence and lack of emotional support
- Guilt about failure of marriage
- Fear that husband is not able to survive alone
- Belief that husband will change
- Ambivalence and fear over making formidable life changes
Dating Bill of Rights
I have the right . . .
- To ask for a date.
- To refuse a date.
- To suggest activities.
- To refuse any activities, even if my date is excited about them.
- To have my own feelings and be able to express them.
- To say I think my friend’s information is wrong or his/her actions are unfair or inappropriate.
- To tell someone not to interrupt me.
- To have my limits and values respected.
- To tell my partner when I need affection.
- To be heard.
- To refuse to lend money.
- To refuse affection.
- To refuse sex with anyone just because they took me out on an expensive date.
- To refuse sex anytime for any reason.
- To have friends and space aside from my partner.
I have the responsibility . . .
- To determine my limits and values.
- To respect the limits of others.
- To communicate clearly and honestly.
- To not violate the limits of others.
- To ask for help when I need it.
- To be considerate.
- To check my actions/decisions to determine if they are good for me or bad for me.
- To set high goals.